擦肩而過的惡婆婆

on Dec 14 in 愛,是證明上帝與撒旦有親屬關係的唯一證據 tagged by

這一陣子常思考怎樣才能讓自己放寬心地跟婆婆互動,卻也聯想起另一件往事.

和前男友認識的時候是在國外,他正好收到女友的告解信,說她喜歡別的男生,要分手,他難過得很.
因為朋友慫恿,再加上他人的確不錯,成熟穩重,他則試圖轉移目標,所以我們開始談戀愛.
他的父母聽說了他和交往多年的女友分手,一口咬定他的新歡,我,是第三者.
我從沒見過他們,沒機會解釋也沒有必要,認為這應該是男生自己該說清楚的.
和他一起飛回台灣的時候,雙方父母都來接機,第一次見面,我自然有點緊張.
我向來很有長輩緣的,很會跟長輩「叮叮噹噹」,即便關係特殊,我仍相信自己放輕鬆的跟他們相處,都一定能化險為夷.
但,這恐怕不適用於「對我已經有了成見,而且堅持自己一定是對的」的人.


我娘是個很懂分寸的人,畢竟啥大場面都見過了,該有的禮數她是懂得的,我從不擔心她讓我丟臉.
知道對方是女兒男朋友的父母,我娘面帶微笑地對他們點了個頭,算是打個招呼.
對方的父親也禮貌性的回個禮,但對方的母親卻是明顯的不悅表情,別開了頭去,把我跟我娘當空氣!
我跟我娘都有點錯愕,錯愕的是50多歲的年紀竟然連這一點禮貌都不懂.
她要是對我這樣表現也就算了,連對我娘也是這樣,當場失去了我的尊重 – 干我娘屁事!
後來有個機會,我跟他娘說了,一開始我壓根兒就不是第三者.
他娘一臉的驚訝,原來第三者在女方那邊,讓我更確定他從來沒跟他娘解釋過這件事情.

他是個好人,很上進努力,也很念舊.
跟我交往最初,前女友的東西仍擺得到處都是,常惹我不悅而爭吵.
後來他對我的感情漸漸加深之後,比較能體會我的心情,他自己收了.

一回我在他家,想說幫忙做一點家事好了,表現自己的賢淑給他的父母看,爭取一點好感.
但沒經驗就是沒經驗,換來的是他姐姐說:「妳這樣我娘會不滿意的.你要先這樣,再這樣才行.」
當時沒多想,想說當學一點常識也好,為將來做準備嘛.
女人都是這樣,當愛的時候,就算為你吃苦也都是甜的.
但看看現在自己的婆婆,啥都沒有要求,而當我主動幫忙的時候,她明白我想了表的心意.
回頭看當年,覺得那些細節的要求,其實是個人的問題,並不是當了婆婆就得那樣,更不是必要的.

我們持續交往幾年後,他在維也納跟我求婚,可惜我已經沒了感覺,趁機會拒絕了.
幾年的戀情,在浪漫的維也納告終.
所以你不用問我維也納有啥好玩的,我通通沒有印象,也不覺得好玩.

在機場發生的那一幕我到今天都還記得,對於我娘因為我而要遭受這樣的不禮貌,更是感到非常抱歉.
我至今仍怪罪是因為他沒自己把情況跟自己的父母解釋清楚,我和我娘才得遭受這種不白之冤,這種鳥氣.
看看我現在的婆婆,心裡更是慶幸還好沒嫁進他家,因為我一定沒有辦法跟他娘和平共處,肯定會把家裡搞得像地獄一般水深火熱.

他重自己的隱私,是那種對家人只報喜不報憂的人.
但也因為這樣,當他的女朋友時,我受了不少鳥氣,為了配合他而委曲求全.
有愛的時候,為你這樣做並不難,但當愛漸漸變成生活,我不認為有多少人真的能這樣忍受一輩子.

因為我交代過,有事叫他自己跟我說,是男人的就不需要傳聲筒.
所以我是最後一個知道他結婚了的,大家都很聽話,沒人跟我說,哈.
當初分手不是因為他不好,至今我仍是尊重他的.
我希望他們沒有跟公婆住在一起,又或者她的太太比較討婆婆大人喜歡,完全沒問題也說不定,我衷心希望如此.

純粹聯想,我是該惜福的.

97 Comments

  • Sweetkiwi says:

    Dear Emily
    妳現在的生活相當的幸福呢~
    有這麼開明的婆婆
    又有疼妳的先生
    我認為人在幸福的時候比較能夠忘記過去一些不好的事
    往前看~過去的事就忘了吧^_^

    愛……….不是委屈求全
    我是這麼想的

  • 阿民 says:

    是板橋之狼那個嗎?

  • Davey says:

    您的婆婆是五千年來
    每一個東方媳婦夢寐以求的婆婆
    也是五千年來
    每一個東方媳婦誓言要當的婆婆
    無奈五千年來
    很少如願, 履行的更少. :^)
    看來您是以萬年修來的福氣!

    我覺得有些時候婆媳之間有摩擦時如果先生肯幫太太一點, 太太就不會那麼委屈了. 當然有時夾在中間也不太方便. 如有惡婆婆再加個惡大姐, 那是雪上加霜了.

    妳的前男友, 上面故事裡那個 (特別指明因為妳好像有很多, 嘻嘻), 不像是會為女友/老婆在母親大人面前說話的.

    整個故事下來, 我希望他的太太婚前接受的那訂婚戒指不是妳婉拒的那支! 因為每顆鑽石是獨特的! ^_~

  • Cassidy says:

    所有的人都叫我要體諒我老公當夾心餅乾的滋味不好受
    叫我不要製造事端讓我老公心煩
    有時候就算是自己自找煩惱的芝麻小事也會因此而更加不爽

    不過也該是我學著放下一些事情的時候
    做人家媳婦和媽媽要學的事情真多@@
    有時候我真想單純的做一個被寵愛女人就好
    (也要有人寵愛才行Orz)

  • hsienlynn says:

    我覺得…
    男人一定要能當婆婆跟媳婦的潤滑劑,
    若是這個男人不懂得體貼老婆,不懂得哄自己的媽媽,
    這樣的婆媳多少都會有問題,
    好險 Emily 嫁了一個好家庭!

  • 阿民 says:

    其實也更驗證了,男女朋友交往或是決定結婚~
    來的巧不如來的早啊!
    跟開車在台北找停車位的道理一樣,真的是生活處處是學問事事皆啟發啊:D

  • emily says:

    dear Sweetkiwi,
    不用擔心喔! 我平常都不會去想這些, 只是有時某個點某個事件的發生, 會突然聯想到罷了. :P

    dear Davey,
    我們同輩, 用”ä½ ”就夠啦, 不要用”您”啦, 看得我肅然起敬耶!
    我相信他們都不是故意要對我要求多一點, 但他們就是比較傳統的家庭, 把我當媳婦看就覺得我應該要做這個, 應該要做那個… 可惜我不出身那樣的家庭, 也不適合進入那樣的家庭.

    dear Cassidy,
    如果真的有不悅, 我倒覺得一定要跟老公講, 如果他不知道該怎麼幫忙, 就直接跟他說你希望他怎麼幫忙.
    我是很堅持 Stevie 一定要知道我怎麼想的, 說不要讓他心煩對我來說說服力不夠耶, 老婆在心煩的時候老公卻置身事外? 這樣也不對吧.
    不要自己忍, 那樣久了會覺得自己很委屈, 反而會累積下來.

    dear hsienlynn,
    婆媳關係的好壞還真的大部分決定在男人的手腕, 我也同意如果男人完全不懂怎麼當潤滑劑, 那真的會很慘.
    尤其現在大部分的女兒在家裡都是被疼的好好的, 如果一嫁進去就被期待著要有好媳婦的表現, 男人卻不懂得幫忙, 我覺得那恐怕是很難沒有摩擦.

    dear 阿民,
    對啦, 就是你鄰居啦!
    你說相反了吧, 是”來的早不如來的巧”吧, 大哥…
    這件事竟能讓你聯想到在台北找停車位, 了不起! 果然是”生活處處是學問事事皆啟發”阿!
    我也真的覺得我是好狗運, 哈~ 啦啦~ 啦~

  • page12 says:

    還好沒有進他們家~而進了另一個更棒的家庭

    很會跟長輩「叮叮噹噹」好特別的形容詞呀,看來我該多學學

  • kathy says:

    是呀,雖然已事過境遷,但也真的好險。
    所以說,幸福還真的就在彩虹這頭等你呢! ^_^

  • amy says:

    很多男人都是打着“孝敬的旗帜”报喜不报忧
    我也很讨厌这样的男生,并且不能忍受
    身有同感
    此外,非常佩服emily的精神,值得学习。

  • 好險喔!Emily,妳實在幸福!!

    有那種可怕的婆婆真是天昏地暗呢! >”<
    我有個朋友嫁入豪門,因為家境懸殊,
    婆婆對她極盡挑剔,即使生了兒子也沒
    給她煮個什麼進補,後來我朋友開口說想吃
    麻油雞,她婆婆竟然說她當年生小孩都喝冰水,
    吃什麼麻油雞?後來請菲傭煮了沒加米酒的麻油雞.
    根本不能吃!!!

  • Davey says:

    Dear Emily 姐:

    呵呵, 妳怎知我們是同輩的呢? ^_~ 有時用”您”是戲稱吧, 我覺得. :^)

    我還是不敢相信故事裡這男的竟然兩次都搞不清楚狀況.
    1. 沒預警會收到 Dear John 信
    2. 不知道妳會拒絕他. 求婚可能是 an act of desparation? 唉, 真得是感覺沒了, 什麼都淡了!

    OMG! 我希望他後來結婚不是因為在 rebounding. 如為了結婚而結婚, 那多麼慘啊!

  • emily says:

    dear page12,
    跟長輩「叮叮噹噹」是聽來的說法啦, 我想原本應該是台語吧!

    dear kathy,
    緣分這種事情真的是說不準的, 當時覺得這一個已經夠好啦, 沒想到下一個更好, 哈!

    dear amy,
    就像大家的回應一樣, 一旦嫁進去, 男生當好他的潤滑劑這個角色真的很重要.

    dear cAthy凱西貓,
    哇, 你這個朋友更慘耶… 希望情況有漸漸好轉, 不然是誰受的了啦!
    我也聽說過一些類似的例子, 都是因為家境落差, 唉…

    dear Davey,
    他是獨子, 的確會有點小壓力, 到底為啥結婚我不知道, 那要問他本人啦. 不管當初為啥理由結婚, 幸福就好啦!

  • arina says:

    真為你高興能很理智,做出正確的抉擇和有擁有這幸福的婚姻,我的老公也是屬於孝子也是獨子,且報喜不報憂,不敢對家裏的母親大人有任何的不敬,而那位高傲婆婆常常會對我和我家人說她的孩子很優秀,私下對我說話要看心情,若自己看不順眼會用話中帶刺,很尖酸苛薄的話跟我說,我也和你一樣自認為向來很有長輩緣的,相信自己能放輕鬆的跟他們相處,但是和婆婆相處讓我有很大的挫折,其實我娘家跟他們家一樣小康,並沒有什麼差距,其實我是有話直說的個性,但從來沒和婆家頂過一句話,或許我還要這個婚姻為了家庭的合諧所以我忍了4年了,可憐的娘家為了女兒在夫家的幸福,也要跟著我忍耐,昨天我的女兒剛滿四個月(我現在是全職媽媽),我有時常想,我不會和婆婆爭這個兒子,但在怎麼苦我絶不允許他們剥奪我的小孩,對這個婚姻其實我也不知我還能忍多久,或許當我對老公完全沒感覺的時候吧!

  • emily says:

    dear arina,
    偷偷問一下, 你能夠將情緒發洩在老公身上嗎?
    如果能跟老公溝通, 至少讓他私下能安撫妳的情緒, 讓你的情緒有個出口, 這樣比較不會長期累積而造成婚姻問題, 你也比較不會那麼難受.
    加油喔!!

  • yasi says:

    我已上網瀏覽過N次關於惡婆婆的故事…每個人的都很悲慘..
    剛開始的用意是希望能看看別人的例子想辦法讓自己好受一點(開導自己)…但現在只想要看看有沒有好的教訓惡婆婆的方法…因為我實在受不了了, 我真想打她巴掌, 羞辱她, 拿她的頭撞牆…和狠狠的踢她…):

  • emily says:

    dear yasi,
    動手解決不了問題的… 雖然那真的會讓人感覺比較爽!
    不知道你的婆婆有多惡劣, 不清楚你受了怎樣的委屈, 所以也沒能替你拿主意 – 搬出去住, 保持距離, 盡量迴避, 充耳不聞….
    我朋友懷孕的時候有個經驗, 一回她婆婆故意當著家裡很多客人的面使喚她做東做西的, 結果幾次之後她當眾昏倒, 使她的婆婆很沒面子, 大家立刻覺得是婆婆太過分了, 對懷孕的媳婦還這樣使喚… 從此以後, 她婆婆都沒敢再叫她做任何事情!
    或許, 讓她沒面子而且不能怪罪於你, 這一點可以試試.

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