留學的壓力

on Aug 24 in 胡思亂想 tagged by

看到朋友寫的文章,有感.她不希望透露,於是我不引用她的原文.

出國唸書是很多人夢想的事,現在經濟越來越好,還有銀行留學貸款,幾乎人人可以實現這個理想.
但,出國留學,其實不如想像中的輕鬆.
事實上,即便在台灣是一流學校畢業,成績頂呱呱,我仍看過不少無法完成學業,甚至精神崩潰,連人生都搞砸了的例子.
留學,不只是專業領域上的推進,它更是一個人生全方位的挑戰.


曾認識一個女孩,記得是唸音樂心理學這一類的,忘記是唸碩士還是博士.
不僅沒畢業,還產生幻覺,認為某男子愛上她,而某女室友則企圖破壞,其他人則想傷害她.
三不五時就把菜刀往自己房間藏,擺滿了蠟燭和各式刀類,嚇壞了所有室友們,最後決定踢她出門.
沒過多久,她在公車上發病,一路高歌數小時不下車,最後司機報警,警察直接將她送往精神科.
不管你去到哪裡留學,總有這一類的事件,每一件都很令人惋惜,又失去一位人才.

記得當初要出國留學的時候,緊張的要死,在機場問我娘,如果我唸不畢業,她會不會怪我?
她想都沒想就說:「會」.
錯愕,因為這完全不是我預期的答案.
她接著說:「既然學校收了你申請,表示他們覺的你能唸,如果你唸不畢業,表示你不夠盡力,我一定怪你.」
我原本是期待她溫柔地說:「當然不會啦,寶貝女兒!」以減輕我的壓力,沒想到她這話一出口,我壓力更大!

當初自己決定跨科系唸,知道會辛苦,死不肯認輸的個性,還沒開學就已經照著教授們的書單開始K書.
第一個學期,壓力大到我每晚都必須把自己灌醉,不然沒有辦法入睡,身體很累,腦子却還一直轉著.
後來看到成績,發現自己其實唸的不錯,又野心勃勃的要和 Stevie 爭第一名 – 人的慾望果然是無窮無盡.
直到交了論文,我娘都還在電話那頭再三交代:「不要唸到瘋了,剛好就好了...」

我們這一系的規矩,教授改論文已經很忙了,你若要重考,必須等上一年,跟下一屆的學弟妹一起考.
對於來留學的人來說,這不僅是多花一年比當地人貴2倍的學費,更是丟臉,還多花了一年的光陰,就算參加了重考仍不代表你一定會通過.
我們這一屆剛考完試,隔天就聽到一個等了一年重考的學長,在寢室裡上吊自殺了.
聽說是因為他知道自己考的很差,一定不會過.
他重考的成績到底如何,是不是真的沒過,我不知道,但人生這一關他既然棄權了,成績多少就不重要了.

台灣人出國留學大多是由父母資助,花了一大筆錢財,感覺上總要給家人一個交代.
只要家裡不是真的非常海闊,丟個一兩百萬新台幣算不上一根牛毛的,一定都有這樣的壓力.
尤其是功課上遇到挫折,想放棄卻又想到家人們如何的緊衣縮食,以供應你在國外昂貴的花費,
無臉回去面對江東父老,更不能讓祖宗十八代一起蒙羞,騎虎難下,只好低著頭繼續硬幹,
那壓力鐵定是成倍數増強,肩膀不夠寬,心臟不夠強,臉皮不夠厚的人,難以承受.

套句精神科的話,壓力不是使人瘋狂的原因,不懂宣洩才是關鍵.

同梯的有一個日本朋友,他本身就是心理諮商師,來英國唸的也是相關科系.
他是一個非常難得的溫柔的日本男生,大家都很喜歡他.
每回我們這一群之中若有人壓力太大,就會去敲他的窗戶說:「我需要講講話...(I need to talk)」
他總是溫柔地泡杯熱茶,耐心的聽我們發洩,說跟哪位同學不合,跟哪位室友吵架,跟那個教授意見衝突,功課寫不出來等等.
...哈,當初若沒有他,恐怕我們這一群很多人都畢不了業吧!

留學不應該只是唸書而已,大老遠飛來另一個國度,若只把自己關在房間裡,未免太過浪費.
見識文化,生活,風景,練習當地語文,都是一樣重要.
甚至,幾年後的現在,我說 這些比學歷「更」重要.
學歷只為履歷多添了一筆,生活經驗却是無時無刻,有形兼無形的影響到老死,當初想都沒想到.

沒必要為一張紙,丟了人生 – 事實上,為什麼丟了人生都不值得.

出去玩,出去體驗人生吧!

88 Comments

  • Danny says:

    深有同感,很多人MA唸的人不人鬼不鬼,還有自殺的……
    這個我可以轉吧?

  • emily says:

    hello, Danny,
    儘管拿去~ ^__^

  • Emiberry says:

    恩恩˙˙很有道理
    邊看邊對著螢幕點頭

    如果真的讀書讀到起笑˙真的是很不值得
    人生並不是只有讀書而已阿還有更多美好的事情在等著我們呢
    “所謂行行出狀元”每個人都有自己的專長
    如果沒有辦法讀書讀到超級棒
    那就去尋找自己的領域吧!!
    這樣的人生應該會比待在精神病院更精彩吧~~

    壓力是無形的不管是別人給你的或是自己給自己的
    只要找到良好的宣洩方式˙˙
    壓力!!哀唷˙˙不算什麼啦
    哈ㄏ˙˙

  • page12 says:

    你媽讓你出去的是要好好念書,結果你念完就說要嫁給阿豆仔,不能好好陪在她身邊,損失這麼一個貼心的小女兒,就是最後悔的啦

    不過也幸好讓你遇到了你的Mr.Right,所以還是值得的,你媽一定很心慰啦

  • istme says:

    :P
    看了以後有點好像看到窗戶微開的感覺阿
    好~
    計畫週日出去走走
    不可以都呆在宿舍了

  • emily says:

    dear Emiberry,
    看來你也是樂觀一族ㄉ, 優, 這樣ㄉ人生讚啦~

    dear page12,
    畢業以後還先工作了3年才嫁, 算是有”小小小”地陪到一點點啦… (擠著小指頭ing…) :P

    dear istme,
    這位大哥, 大嫂不是在宿舍裡找ㄉ到ㄉ… -_-||
    規定你以後每個月只有一個週末可以待在宿舍, 條件還是大嫂也在你宿舍! 不然, 就算流落街頭也要在外面給我晃!

  • LiSa says:

    真的嗎? 留學有的壓力有這麼大喔
    那我可能是少根筋
    因為我覺得自己一定會畢業

    玩是一定要的囉
    大老遠地飛到英國不玩實在對不起自己,也對不起家鄉的江東父老,只要課業能應付得來一定要出去玩才是啊。

  • amy says:

    不知道brady有没有看到这篇文章,好在他很乐观,而且喜欢健身,还有就是多愁善感,容易激活大脑神经中比较不活跃的一些神经。

    emily jj 肯定是个很开明的人,多希望很多家长会和自己的小孩说,功课做完了就在外面晃!!!到那时候,中国的应试教育就可以say goodbye咯

    Emily jj 留学成绩很优秀,赞一个~~

  • 凱伊 says:

    說得太棒了 ^^d
    讓我回想起在英國唸書時的心情…

  • J.J. says:

    非常同意!!!

    在大學的四年裡, 每天只知唸書, 錯失了許多和同學一起出去玩, 一起出去過夜的經驗

    現在想約同學出來, 有些已經回國了, 有些結婚生子了,有些忙到睡覺都沒有時間了, 更別說出來晃晃

    那四年裡真的是除了獲得知識以外, 其它的都是空白

  • 這文章寫的很真切,在英國唸兩年書,說沒有壓力唸完兩個碩士是騙人的,學著如何釋放壓力是留學過程中必經也必學的一課,記得大學系主任在上課時候曾說人在海外唸書,真到覺得唸不下去的時候,站起來打開門走出去,不打開門不走出去,那你永遠就被關在裡頭出不去了。

    當下覺得無聊的一段話在留學生涯中受用無窮,可能是打開門去廚房泡杯熱可可,到住處附近綠地晃晃,到英國酒吧小酌,到鄰近的國家旅遊
    唸不下去的時候,打開門走出去吧,不是放棄,是休憩

  • Debra says:

    畢業了這麼久,始終罣礙當初沒能出國唸書,這會兒好了,決定還是看看你們的故事,免得客死異鄉…

  • emily says:

    dear LiSa,
    那你一定是很優秀ㄉ啦, 完全不擔心, 讚! 加油~ 美好ㄉ人生ㄋ~~

    Amy,
    謝謝鼓勵! ^++^
    “容易激活大脑神经中比较不活跃的一些神经…” 哈, 這句形容ㄉ真好!
    Brady 一定沒問題ㄉ啦, 唸博士ㄉ壓力和碩士又不太一樣, 博士完全是靠自己, 沒人給壓力, 有時拖上個8-9年還唸不完也是大有人在ㄋ, 加油加油!!

    Hello, 凱伊,
    謝謝鼓勵! ^___^

    Hello, JJ,
    沒關係, 現在開始玩也是來ㄉ及啦! 快出門去享受人生吧~~

    Hello, 哪飛沙,
    沒錯! “不是放棄, 是休憩”…說ㄉ好~

    Hello, Debra,
    哈, 雖然是辛苦, 但也有很有趣ㄉ經驗, 如果有機會還是去留學吧, 但前提是要保重自己先, 其他ㄉ就隨意吧!

  • 海外留学压力

    很难说,英国的冬天是从什么时候开始的,刚刚10月份就要有暖气供应的需要了。秋天这个季节,就好像几年前考试时,我不会回答的问题,就用咕噜咕噜的卷舌音混过去一样。学院都开学了…

  • 小比 says:

    我也有寫過一篇類似主題的文章
    不過還是妳文筆好~ :)
    留學異鄉
    學習如何調適自己的心情真是一門大學問
    有空也可以來參觀我的blog

    http://blog.pixnet.net/yrc

    p.s 這篇文章可以借我轉載嗎~

  • emily says:

    dear 小比,
    謝謝誇獎, 歡迎阿, 常來玩!

  • 压力实在大,但为了不让家里担心,还要在电话里表现得很轻松,今年都没有轻松合上眼过,再这样下去我也要崩溃了!

  • emily says:

    dear 宝矿力,
    加油阿! 想想這幾年一下子就過去了, 要撐住喔! 給你打氣!

  • cAL says:

    你好!請問可以借我轉載嗎?
    我覺得你寫得很好!!

  • Amy Wang says:

    哈囉
    出來念書後才真的深有感觸
    想起當初剛來美國念書時 轉領域的我頭一個月幾乎崩潰
    電話裡聽見爸媽的聲音時 淚水是完全無法停止
    雖然他們總是說 有過就好
    但其實身上背著多少期待只有自己心裡最清楚

    後來也慢慢想開 除了念書以外 外頭世界更精彩
    留學不過就是人生中短短兩年 但即使是這兩年我也不想被書給埋沒
    因為也只有這段時間 可以暫時不需要為工作擔心
    就像你最後說的 生活歷練確實是比學歷文憑更重要

    借我分享唷~ 感謝你!!

    • Emily@UK says:

      前提是: 考試有過, 學歷有拿到 – 當學生+拿家人錢出來的責任就算有盡到, 那才可以出去玩喔. 加油!

  • Jason says:

    可是唸書超累的週末根本不想要出門
    一出國變超級宅想到出門又要花錢就完全沒動力啦

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